Self Control
by Moonprincess92
Summary: "I don't think I ever fancied Lavender and that's partly the problem. If I care more for you than her, what does that say about our relationship?" :Oneshot RHr duringHBP:


**DISCLAIMER: **I don't own Ron, Hermione, Lavender or chess games.

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Self Control.

Blurb …

"I don't think I ever fancied Lavender and that's partly the problem. If I care more for you than her, what does that say about our relationship?" :Oneshot RHr set during HBP:

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Hermione knew it was mad.

Ever since Ron's almost-fatal birthday, she couldn't help but revel in the fact that they were friends again. Even 'just friends' was better - _so bloody better_ - than before the accident.

Hermione didn't know if she could've continued ignoring him even if the poisoned drink had never happened. She had missed him so damn _much_, it hurt. She probably would've cracked pretty soon.

She cringed at the thought of how pathetic she was.

"Hermione, can you stop staring at him like that?" Ginny's voice suddenly chimed in through her head as they sat in the Gryffindor common room, watching Harry and Ron play a game of chess. Well, Hermione was mostly just watching Ron. "It's starting to creep me out slightly …"

Hermione sighed and turned to look at her friend. Hermione had never told Ginny exactly how she felt about Ron, but then Ginny always seemed to know everything. She always held that knowing look in her eye whenever she caught Hermione blatantly staring Ron - which was often.

"Sorry," She muttered, but she wasn't really. She didn't think she'd ever really been _happier_ - considering the war and all the rest of the crap that'd happened to them so far. Because Ron was her friend again, even if he still had _her_ hanging off him every chance she got …

Ginny only rolled her eyes. "Hermione, I'm pretty sure my brother would chuck Lavender in an instant if you let him know how you really feel. He might be a bit slow, but he's not completely stupid."

"Ginny, that's out of the question," Hermione said, shooting her a look. "I've never been … _that_ girl, before. I'm not the kind of person who wrecks perfectly healthy relationships just for their own personal gain-"

"Hermione, have you _seen_ those two?" Ginny said, sounding slightly nauseated. She pointed over to the two boys sitting on opposite sides of the chess board where Lavender had (_probably crawling from the Black Lagoon_) come to drape her arms around Ron's shoulders. She was laughing as she kissed Ron's red hair. "That can not possibly be considered 'healthy'! Look at him, Harry looks kind of disturbed while Ron looks like he's in pain …"

Hermione knew she spoke the truth, but she couldn't bring herself to look at it that way. Hermione had shared a room with Lavender Brown since they were eleven years old and while the girl may have been irritating and bitchy at times, Hermione had to admit that Lavender could be a nice person. It was rarely seen by anyone outside their dormitory, but Hermione had overheard the loud conversations between Lavender and Parvarti for years - she knew that Lavender was a loyal friend and was generally a good person.

Unfortunately, she found it hard to remember this when Lavender was snuggling up to Ron like that. She closed her eyes in disgust. She didn't think she had the self-control that morning not to do anything rash.

But then, Hermione never _did_ seem to have self-control. Whenever Lavender was around she couldn't help but glare and show nothing but animosity towards the girl, usually earning a couple of elbows in the side from Harry. Try as she might, Hermione always seemed to end up remarking with sarcastic comments and hostility towards her roommate, when in theory Lavender had done nothing wrong. It had become apparent that Lavender had noticed this over the past couple of months she and Ron had been going out. For one, the usual tolerance they used to have for each other had vanished - at nights, Parvarti had often found herself as the referee when one of Hermione's comments got out of hand and the two found themselves in some verbal showdown.

She felt pathetic.

"Hermione, I know you're hurting," Ginny said softly, placing an arm around her. "But trust me on this - I know my brother. And _that_ right there, is his '_good lord, save me now_' face."

Hermione knew she was right. She'd known Ron for years and she knew his every face back to front. If _she_ couldn't tell how Ron was feeling, then no one possibly could, except for perhaps Harry. Hermione was connected to her best friend in a different way to others - it was nothing like what he had with Lavender, but was stronger, more intense than simple friendship.

She didn't know what to do with it. Not really. Ginny tried to help, but there's only so much you can discuss your own brothers' love life.

"I _should_ go save him from Lav-Lav, shouldn't I?" Hermione said, sounding rather bitter. "See how _she_ likes to be dragged away from her precious Won-Won …"

Ginny snorted. "Honestly, how does Ron stand that name? It's absolutely mad!"

"Yeah, well, Lavender can be a bit mad herself sometimes," Hermione answered, making up her mind stubbornly. "I'll see you later, Ginny. Thanks a lot."

"Don't mention it," Ginny said, grinning. As Hermione walked resolutely towards the chess board, she heard Ginny mutter, "I can't wait to see this …"

"… All right, knight to B6 - erm, Lavender, could you not do that? It's kind of distrac - Hermione!" Ron nearly fell off his chair, taking Lavender with him as he jumped. "Where did you come from?"

"Great to see you too, Ron." Hermione said in answer, sitting in front of the chess board, next to Harry. He exchanged a knowing look with her but didn't say anything.

Ron's ears were slightly red as Lavender rolled her eyes. "I mean - er, sorry … it's great to see you, Hermione …"

Hermione smiled despite herself as Lavender let go of Ron with a huff and perched on the arm of the chair he was sitting on. "Thank you," She said. "And hello to you to, Harry." She added to her other best friend.

"Hello," He answered, prodding a pawn forward on the chess board. "What were you and Ginny talking about so intently over there? Is … you're both all right, aren't you?" Hermione noticed the slightly embarrassed look on her friends' face. She'd spent enough time around Harry to figure him out by now - she knew all he really cared about was what _Ginny_ was talking about and if _Ginny_ was all right.

"Oh, nothing," Hermione said quickly, glancing over to where Ginny was pretending to be absorbed in a conversation with one of her dormitory mates, the façade kind of ruined as she kept turning around to watch them and winking at Hermione every time she caught her eye. "Just … witch stuff."

"What kind of witch stuff, Hermione?" Lavender suddenly asked, giving a smile. Hermione tried not to narrow her eyes at her, but it was proven rather difficult. "I'm rather skilled in that area, as you know … maybe I could help?"

Hermione knew right then that Lavender was going to try and turn this conversation awkward on Hermione's part. It happened every time she forced herself to play nice to the witch. Snarky comments on both sides would get out of control.

Therefore, Hermione chose to ignore this and muttered, "Maybe," before facing Ron, who was watching her curiously. "So how's your potions essay coming, Ron? You weren't having much luck last night, after all."

Hermione saw Lavender scoff slightly at the reference to Ron and Hermione spending time together, but Hermione ignored her again. Ron grinned at her as only Ron can. He jerked his head slightly towards Lavender which Hermione immediately understood as, "_She's driving me insane, please make up some excuse so we can leave_". She'd taken to understanding this look lately, especially when Ron would dive behind corners and suits of armour whenever Lavender would appear. And he'd been doing this ever since he'd been released free of the Hospital Wing.

"Not very well, actually," Ron answered, moving his queen to take out Harry's bishop. "I like to think that my essay writing skills are getting better, but it helps when you actually know what you're supposed to be writing about …"

Hermione smiled as she shook her head. "Ron, will you ever actually make an effort in potions?" She asked.

"Are you kidding?" Harry added, attempting to take Ron's King but only succeeding in Ron taking Harry's last remaining knight, earning a loud "Ha!" from Ron. "How d'you do that-? Anyway, the last time Ron did homework for potions voluntarily was when Slughorn offered some of that pineapple stuff as a prize. He only thinks about food and Quidditch. I should know, I've shared a room with him for the past five and a bit years."

"Oi!"

"He thinks about a bit more than that-" Lavender began, but Hermione cut her off.

"Well tell you what, Ron," She said, getting to her feet. "If I bribe you with a sugar quill, will you consider allowing me to help you finish your essay on time?"

"Are you kidding?" Ron said, standing to his own feet as Lavender shot him a "_What are you doing_?" look. "Of course I will! I'd do anything for a sugar quill - is it one of those strawberry flavoured ones?" Hermione felt like rolling her eyes at Ron's over-performance.

"What else?"

"Then of course I'll let you help me," Ron said, moving over to join her. He turned to face Lavender's protesting face. "Hey Lavender, you could finish my game off with Harry for me, right? You could try and keep the Weasley Winning Streak going? You don't mind, eh Harry?"

"Nah mate," Harry answered, waving a crushed pawn in agreement. "You go and finish that essay - I'm sure Lavender will be a good enough challenge for me."

"But-" Lavender was cut off as Ron kissed her quickly. Harry snickered to himself as Hermione looked away promptly - she didn't trust herself to have enough self-control to be able to watch _that_ without breaking something. But a few seconds later Ron was walking determinedly away from Lavender, joining Hermione until they reached the other side of the common room and they collapsed onto a couch. Hermione saw Lavender sitting in Ron's recently vacated chair with a very disgruntled look as Harry continued to look highly amused as he carried on the chess game.

"So where's that sugar quill then?" Ron's voice chimed in, and Hermione forgot all about Lavender completely. She only shoved him slightly.

"I did that as a favour, and you know it." She answered.

Ron sighed. "All right. I did know it. Thank you for that, by the way - she was … driving me mad, to be honest."

"Ron, she drives me mad too," Hermione said, sinking further into the comfy couch. Noticing the look on Ron's face, she hastened to say, "At night, in our dormitory. I've heard a lot about your snogging techniques than I really would've liked."

Ron grinned. "Really? What does she say?"

She snorted. "That you're like a 'cute puppy that needs to be trained'. And that's a direct quote."

Ron's face fell. "I … wasn't that bad, was I?"

"Oh don't get me wrong, Lavender _loves_ you and your snogging," Hermione said mockingly, shooting a hard look at the girls head as she said this. "Actually, she found the fact that the first time you kissed her, you tried to grab her arse _endearing_ … but she was hoping that you'd had a bit more experience that you actually had."

Ron's ears had turned bright red at Hermione mentioning this. "Oh," was all he managed to say. "… I didn't mean to grab her arse, y'know."

"I know, Ron."

"It's just, there were lots of people around, and Seamus knocked into me and-"

"Ron, it's fine," Hermione said, placing a hand on his shoulder. "Trust me, I don't care if you're an arse-grabber or not."

Ron gave her a thankful smile, but it seemed to have a trace of sadness in it. It almost seemed to say, "_You don't_?" She ignored this.

They sat in comfortable silence for a while. Hermione watched Harry and Lavender talking as they continued their chess game, Lavender seemingly pissed off while Harry shook his head slightly - whether at Lavender or the game, she didn't know. Ron however watched Hermione and she found it increasingly distracting, especially since her hand from his shoulder had fallen into his lap and he played with her fingers gently. She didn't know if this was stretching the boundaries a bit - Merlin knows what Lavender was thinking right now - but hell, she couldn't bring herself to stop him. It felt too good.

She had no self-control whatsoever. She knew it was morally wrong to sit snuggled up to someone else's boyfriend, holding his hand but this was _Ron_ and she couldn't help it.

"Harry looks like he's in pain," Ron said suddenly. Hermione looked up to where Harry was now looking slightly uncomfortable in Lavender's presence. "I think I owe him a whole bag of Chocolate Frogs for this, the poor bloke …"

"If you can't stand Lavender so much, why're you still with her?" Hermione asked tentatively. She'd asked this before, but never received a straight answer.

Ron shrugged and turned to look at her. "It's not easy, Hermione. Have _you_ ever had to dump someone before?"

Hermione thought back to Forth Year and having to tell Victor that she was only fourteen and probably not ready for a serious relationship. "You'd be surprised." Was all she said.

Ron's eyes narrowed. "Who've you had to dump?"

Hermione didn't think mentioning Victor would go down well, so she said the next person she thought of. "I had to _somehow_ leave Cormac MacLaggen under the mistletoe last Christmas, didn't I? Trust me, he didn't go without a fight …"

"Fight? What did he do to you?" Ron looked slightly alarmed, even though his eyes narrowed at the mention of the time they were not talking.

"Nothing Ron," She said quickly. "But trust me, he somehow managed to snog me quite a bit before I managed to run away."

Ron's eyes hardened at this, but he didn't mention anything of it until he said, "No one should have to snog someone if they don't want to …" He was glancing over at Lavender as he said this.

Hermione felt her control slipping away as she asked "Ron, what actually happened last Christmas?" She inwardly cringed as his face suddenly snapped back to hers. It was an unspoken rule that they were to _never_ mention what had gone down between them from the Canary episode, all the way to Ron's ill-fated birthday. Though she had just broken that rule, so she figured she might as well break it completely. "Y'know … with you … and me? We were getting along fine … more than fine, actually. And then you …" She couldn't say anymore. She was afraid to look at him.

"… Buggered it up." Ron finished in a defeated tone.

"Well I wouldn't say … erm, yeah."

Ron withdrew his hands from hers as he folded his arms, sighing. Now only sitting next to each other, she felt oddly empty. "Hermione, you have to know that that was nothing to do with you personally," Ron said. "Before Lavender," He added. "I was an absolute idiot. My pride had been hurt and I took it out on you - that wasn't fair. Hermione, remember that you really _are_ an amazing and incredible woman … and while I didn't mean to hurt you, I am so sorry I did."

Hermione didn't know what to say, so she settled for, "Wow. That's a little in-depth for you, isn't it?"

Ron only rolled his eyes. "You've been hanging out with Harry too much," He told her. "He seems to think I'm a lot narrow-minded than I really am …" They both looked over at Harry, who just won the chess game with a flourish. He glanced up and winked at them both, seemingly oblivious to Lavender's stormy look.

"Somehow, I don't believe that," Hermione said. "Harry knows you inside out."

Ron gave a small snigger. "Hermione, you should know by now that I … always seem to make a stronger effort for you." She had a feeling that this wasn't that he meant to say, but she turned to look at him anyway. "I don't think I ever fancied Lavender and that's partly the problem. If I care more for you than her, what does that say about our relationship?"

Hermione didn't know what to answer with, so she settled on, "Only partly?"

Ron sighed. "Yes, partly. _Mostly_ … it's you."

Hermione froze in her place, unable to move even if she wanted to. It was like time stopped, even if only for a second. Like it suddenly didn't matter that Lavender was still his girlfriend and that Hermione had been waiting patiently on the sidelines for years. "M-me …?" She finally said, hoping that she wasn't turning red.

Ron looked a little stunned at what he'd just said, but his face was also determined as he took her hand again. "Hermione, I have to sort things out. A lot of things. What with Lavender and the war … I don't know what's right any more."

Hermione couldn't help it any more - she put her arm around him. "Lavender will understand if you want to chuck her, Ron. She's an all right person, once you get past the … erm, Lavender-ness."

Ron looked up at her with a small smile. "You're amazing, Hermione. I have no self-control when it comes to you."

Hermione smiled back. "Me neither."

A strange look passed over Ron's face and before she knew it, he was leaning in towards her. Her heart spluttered before she leaned in also-

"Ron?"

Hermione jumped violently at the voice and practically leapt away to the other side of the couch when she realised it was Lavender. Her thoughts suddenly turned frantic - she had nearly kissed Lavender's boyfriend! In full display of Harry, Ginny and the rest of the bloody house! She knew she didn't have much self-control when it came to Ron, but she didn't think she was _that_ bad …

Then a worse thought came to her - Lavender would've seen it all …

"Oh, hi Lavender," Ron said weakly, having jumped too. "How … how did the chess game go?"

Lavender folded her arms and gave him a look. "I lost."

"Oh," Ron seemed to glance at Hermione for help. "That's too bad …"

"Yes, it is isn't it?" Lavender said, turning her hard look onto Hermione instead, who cringed. "How's the _essay_ coming?"

"What essay-? Oh!" Hermione felt like slapping her forehead as Ron obviously just remembered their original excuse to leave Lavender with Harry. "Er … well, we were mostly just talking … I don't think we ever actually got to the 'working' part …"

"I can see that," Lavender held out her hand for Ron. "If you're done gossiping, _I_ can help you with your essay."

Ron gave Hermione an apologising look as he reluctantly took Lavender's hand allowed himself to be dragged off with her. Hermione just shrugged it off, knowing it wouldn't make any difference.

"He wants you, Hermione," Came Harry's voice as he joined her on the couch. "He'll get it right eventually."

"Sure," Hermione answered him. She didn't believe him one bit.

-Fin.

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A/N: So yeah. I've had experience in liking the hell out of someone who already has a girlfriend. It's not plesent. This story represents that.

I hope you all like it - despite the depressing plot and backstory, i actually enjoyed writing a RHr oneshot again. It was certainly different to the R/S i've recently written (see _Getting it Right_) and it took me a while to finish as i wanted to make sure it was all good before i posted it. I _do not_ take credit for the 'cute puppy that needs to be trained' line, as i read it once somewhere and thought it sounded hilarious.

To those who read _The Extra Ones_, the next chapter will be out very soon! I have many more RHr ideas, so my OTP will definately live on after GIR World has ended.

Oh, and this story is dedicated to my friend Bun, who has been attempting to find my fanfiction profile for ages now with nothing to go on but 'Moon'. If you're reading this Bun, this one's for you!

Remember reviews are always appreciated! Until next time-

-Moon. : D


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